Coming Down

Where to go when you reached the spot you were heading towards?

After 3 years, my mother is cancer free, has reached remission.

I feel like I grieved her death more before it happened than I celebrate her life now.

I’ve been breathing like I just came up for air after diving for as long as I can.

Pacing through my mind like there was a need for an urgent solution.

As if devastation was imminent and never as if joy was reaching for me with reckless abundance.

Trouble for the sake of trouble.
Like a moth hovering around a lantern at night.

I am done with questions.
And even more with answers.

Stare too long into the abyss and you’ll see it taking on the shape of your silhouette.

Chasing and replacing one high with another.
May God guide me into myself.

I don’t care if I’m good enough anymore.
A puzzle is a puzzle regardless of if it’s put together or not.

Each and every memory, every sensation, every second is a gift. Art yet to be interpreted.

When we were children we exclusively did things new to us.
As adults we tend to stick to what’s familiar.

Sad music makes me happy now.
Like a magnifying glass unveiling the beauty bursting from pain.

If I could’ve been who they wanted, I couldn’t feel this glad to be me.